My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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