Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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