Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
