i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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