Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
