If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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