Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
