You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
