I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
