I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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