Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
