Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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