I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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