Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
