yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
