the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
