I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize