Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
