Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
