I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Randomize
