At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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