I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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