he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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