I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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