I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Houston, we have a blender
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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