You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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