And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
they call him Oral-B. enough said
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
