i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
