Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
