so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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