Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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