Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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