You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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