I just saw a hot homeless man
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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