dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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