if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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