My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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