i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
