Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
