god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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