I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
