I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
