I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
