the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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