**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
