why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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