so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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