"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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