I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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