I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
