I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
