It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
