Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
