i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
