i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
