4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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