My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
