It's just like the Real World with babies
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
