why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
