I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
