I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
