you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
