Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
