He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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