the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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