Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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