and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
last night I used snow as a chaser
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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