there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
