in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
