every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
