Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
