Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
