I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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