i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
